Strategies in Loneliness

After several uninspiring blog drafts, I’m just going to blurt it out.  I’m lonely.  This is strangely coinciding with the start of the holiday season.  Coincidence?  Uh, no. 

I’m not sure what I want to say about loneliness, except to say that I don’t want it.  I’d much rather call people, interact with people, or at the very least, be in proximity to people.  In fact, I went to the mall to be near frenzied shoppers I normally wouldn’t approach with a pole.  So it was fortunate I ran into a friend who also went to the mall to avoid loneliness.

If however, people, any people, had not been readily available, I would have settled for watching desperately sad movies, crying alone.  This way my loneliness would be much more important and meaningful.  So that later, when I shared my sad and lonely story, someone might feel sorry for me.  And while I’m not sure why that’s a good outcome, it’s one my ego seems to like.  A lot.

All of this avoidance and/or wallowing reminds me of trying to get a resistant cat into its carrier.  It’s a pretty hysterical, if not dangerous endeavor.  A cat will do ANYTHING to avoid the carrier.  It will run and hide.  It will spread itself flat like a pancake just as you’ve gotten it to the small, square carrier entrance.  #$&% cat!  It will bite, meow, hiss, etc…  Basically, a cat will risk death to avoid going into the carrier.

I mean, who knows what a carrier could lead to??  A new location, the vet, a bath?  Cats have a good point.  Carriers don’t always lead to happy outcomes.  But I’m not sure I can say the same for staying with loneliness.

What I don’t mean to do is laugh at loneliness.  Although, again, another good antidote.  Because loneliness is painful and well, lonely.  But you know, I’m not sure it’s loneliness that’s so bad.  It seems that the avoidance of loneliness is much more painful than the feeling itself.  I mean, what happens when you stay with the feeling?  Have you ever stuck around to find out?  In all honesty, today was maybe the first time I’ve consciously done this and the outcome was mostly… no more loneliness.  Huh.

So it seems to be the case (spoken from personal experience), that the more we run from loneliness or, to the contrary, wallow in it, the more power we give it.  And ultimately, the more control it has over us.  In fact, there’s a direct correlation with our resistance to something (or someone) and its power over us.

Instead of resisting unwanted feelings this holiday season, maybe we could give ourselves the gift of courage, mixed with a dash of compassion.  After all, making contact with loneliness is the start to a real connection.  With ourselves and anyone else who’s ever felt lonely.  Which pretty much accounts for everyone here on Earth.  Happy Holidays!

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