Survival mode. It sucks. And it’s where I’ve been (in my head) for a week now. Yes, I have a great day job that pays me well. And yes, I also have a steady side coaching business I love that provides extra income. So what gives?
How did I end up in this state? How is it that to an outsider’s view, things are going swimmingly? Which is a funny way to ask because my common feelings involve sinking, drowning, overwhelm. Are we having fun yet?
I don’t know about you, but every now and again this vaguely familiar, clearly unwanted perspective takes over. And almost sinks me.
The sneaky questions that lurk behind the feelings include – - Why am I so behind the curve? How come everyone’s doing so much better than me? Why can’t I be wildly successful? Meet a great guy? ETC… Really, it comes down to something like – - What’s wrong with me?
Okay, nothing. But I’ll get to that in a second.
First, I think we all slip into this dreary place every now and again. And while you might not be as aware of your feelings as I, perhaps you notice you’re buying more lottery tickets than usual. Or instead, you start to believe that your mostly annoying, somewhat unhygienic co-worker could pass for a husband, with just a little work (aka. a man is your plan). Or maybe you’re overcome with the urge to sell all your stuff and move to some isolated part of Uzbekistan. Where is that again? You get the idea.
In the event that the above scenarios do not work out, what to do?
Two things – both work pretty well. One – Do nothing. Two – Do something.
Doing nothing is important. Staying with the funk and not pushing it away, can for the first time, truly move you through it. A recurring funk is like a recurring dream - it has something important to tell you. And it will not rest until you get the message.
Think of your funk as a scared puppy that needs some compassion. For whatever reason, a lot of intimidating, seemingly valid thoughts have entered your world and they’re almost enough to shut you down. But approaching the stuckness, fear, or funk with kindness can provide some immediate relief.
If you examine the state of your funk closely enough, you might notice that a lot of the stories swirling in your head are familiar. And possibly were helpful to you at one point. But now as an adult, they simply hold you back. Check the validity of those stories and see if you can come up with more accurate views that feel better.
And because this is a scared puppy you’re dealing with, option two – do something – is also important. But sort of not without option one first.
Once you’ve approached yourself with compassion and understanding – Yeah, those are some seriously scary thoughts – the next step is some gentle discipline. You want to train that puppy!
And I don’t mean discipline in the harsh, aggressive, Marine-like sense of the word. I mean it in a loving, steady, puppy-training sort of way.
This comes down to knowing yourself and knowing what can help shake off your funk. I’ve found that the best activities involve those that move me closer to the life I do want (writing each day, interacting with successful coaches), and those I can do on a regular basis.
It’s really all about having awareness and compassion for how you are feeling, and then implementing gentle routines that will help you cultivate better feelings you do want. And ultimately, a life you love.
Because nothing’s wrong with you – you’re just in a funk.
