Soooo. I’ve been out of the habit of writing. Which totally just sparked an idea for this blog. Yay! Habits. That’s the idea.
This January I started a new (old) job, and of course, with the new job, I began my morning commute. Only, the road I had taken before (to the old job that is now the new old job) was closed because a bridge was out. Follow? So I took a different route, because you know, I had to. And then three months later, the original, better route opened back up. And I forgot to take it. Like 20 times. Okay, more like three. But still.
Yes, the better road was open. It was shorter, prettier, easier to get to. And I kept not taking it. Which is amazing really. It finally occurred to me to stick a post-it note on my steering wheel in order to remember to go straight instead of turning left onto the longer, uglier, more trafficky road. And then, my brain still wanted to turn left even with the sticky note. Although I didn’t, but boy did I want to.
Which again, fascinating. I mean, think about it. This is a simple, clear-cut example of two alternative choices, one clearly offering a better outcome then the other, and yet I kept taking the longer route. Not because it was better, but because I was in the habit. This is like the perfect, accidental experiment showing me (and now you) the power of my (your) habits.
Thank you God. Seriously.
Because that little experience made me realize how many other things I do in my life – on a small and frighteningly large scale - that give me bad outcomes. And how, jeez louise, if it was so hard to not turn left, how much harder is it to stop doing stuff that I’ve been doing for years?! Overwhelm. Okay, deep breath.
But you know, it’s okay. It’s actually an opportunity to give ourselves a break. It helped me realize how strong a hold a habit can have. On my commute. On my happiness. On my life.
It’s like, okay, wow, the brain wants to just keep doing what it’s doing, even if it’s really painful. Apparently that’s just the way it rolls. Or the way mine rolls anyway. But actually, research shows that it takes at least three times of doing something new before a habit is formed. And then a fourth time just to make sure. You know.
Which again is awesome. Because when you know how your brain rolls, then you can train it. Literally much like you would a dog. And dogs are awesome, but I’ll talk more about that another time.
The first step to forming a new habit is of course to notice that you have an unhelpful habit going. Without that whole awareness piece you are not in charge of your destiny. You are seriously on autopilot – being driven by unconscious habits that may or may not be helpful.
So yes, notice. Please notice. I meditate which helps me notice, but whatever floats your boat – walks in nature, prayer, journaling, therapy. Hey, coaching:).
Once you notice what you’re doing and what it’s getting you, you can then access – is this helpful? Is this particular habit getting me closer to or further from feeling happy? Is it helping me move towards my dreams or totally sabotaging any chance in hell I might have of achieving them? You know, reflect.
Then, if the outcome from your particular habit sucks, get a new one. And train man, train! Really, any good athlete, even one with natural ability, has to practice. But even before practice, you have to set yourself up for success. You’ve got to re-route that rut in your brain to start a new habit. And how do we do this? Bribery!
I’m serious. And this is my teacher, Martha Beck’s, tip. If you don’t like your current habit and you’re ready to start a new one, you may just need to sweeten the pot. You know it’s going to take a least 3 times, 4 really, to train your brain to do something new, so set yourself up for success. Each time you do the new habit, reward yourself. Maybe it’s watching a TV show, maybe it’s going to the dog park (that’s mine), but whatever brings you some joy. Do it! Because eventually, the new habit will bring you the joy. And to be safe, after you’ve done it 4 times, you need a bigger reward. Like a pedicure or something (I’m speaking mainly to women here, but if you’re inclined, go for it guys!).
So that’s it. It’s amazing how much of what we do is unconscious, but once we notice, we take back our own power to choose, and to be happy.
